


A song to fix what's wrong (Take what's broken make it whole)

by draconianApathy



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Crying, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kissing, M/M, Mild Blood, Minor Character Death, Negative Thoughts, So much angst, Swearing, also me heavily projecting is that a warning to be given, also the song is from given the anime, but like, it's only in the narration, no okay also some cute moments to it ends well, only one time so you should be safe, so uh hi new fandom i guess??? hello welcome me, song-fic, that is all my beloved readers, there's going to be, you have no idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 05:03:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21314614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/draconianApathy/pseuds/draconianApathy
Summary: A review of a relationship, a retelling of a story already told. You know how it goes, all you need to do is … dive into the symphony and let yourself swim around the sweetest and hardest events.
Relationships: Carlos/Cecil Palmer
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	A song to fix what's wrong (Take what's broken make it whole)

**Author's Note:**

> New fandom who dis? Alright hello everybody and welcome to the madness, I guess.  
So, the song used for this is Fuyu no Hanashi, but the English cover by Nordex, I highly recommend you listen to both versions cause they're pretty amazing!  
So yeah, couldn't wait any much longer to write about my favorite couple here. I'm veery new as I'm still at the 71st episode but yeah I'll come around eventually (so please no spoiling in the comments thank you).  
Just a heads up, there might be slight changes such as original lines/dialogues that I have added for plot and climax reasons. Also the characterization may be off as this is literally the first time I write about them.
> 
> So, without any further ado, hope you enjoy! All the warnings are in the tags, please tell me if I should add any.

_❝ I'd die for you any day_  
_ My life's over anyway_  
_ Lets go to the empty park_  
_ And talk 'til it's really dark. **❞**_

* * *

_Just like the snow that won't completely melt away_

_I keep with me these feelings deep inside._

_Just let me know the words._

_How dare he?_ How could he have done that to him?

Cecil was pacing down the hall heading towards his workplace, with a hand through his hair and a huff forming on his lips.

There was literally no need for _him_ to be able to do that and yet _he_ still had the audacity to turn his heart into a puddle of overwhelming sensations.

He had to come there, with his perfect hair, perfect coat, and perfect being, claim he was a scientist with his perfectly smart words and arguments and ruin the peace for his and the town's heartbeats.

But mostly his.

The frequency with which his flow of thoughts constantly derailed from his regular ones to the most admiring observations about the scientist couldn't help but grow with every week he spent in their town.

Cecil was happy to report any news or confirmed rumors about Carlos, anything would have resulted in creating a joyful aura around the recording room. And the citizens were definitely noticing a smile in his voice whenever they heard him talk about Carlos.

It was like a blow of the wind during a blazing hot day in the middle of the warmest summer day. Not only satisfying, but also you don't realize how much you had needed it until you notice the way it makes you feel so much better.

And the great amount you miss it when it's gone.

But how could Cecil express that if he yet had no clue of the other's considerations of him?

Sure, they had talked more than once, he had even left him his phone number, but … there hadn't been any significant turns since there.

No talk of weekend plans either, sadly.

Should he have just … shoved it all down? What kind of nonsense was that? There was no way he would have succeeded. With so much increasing appreciation, he was only going to explode.

And then, something finally happened.

The voicemails, the ones he had shared with his listeners. The squealing he may or may not have recorded right onto the mic, too.

Out of all people. Carlos had decided to call _him_.

It was when time had started to stop. Slow down … restart again? He could not tell.

Furthermore, they had even talked on the phone and agreed to meet up the day after, it all sounded like Cecil was finally getting the shift of his life.

As much as he sounded so ingenuous around Carlos. But hey, he was panicking, okay?

It could happen even to the best of the radio hosts who's able to talk to a multitude of people at once without failing a beat.

He could do this, he had the words.

_Should I just close now the door that guards strongly this love?_

_You're my everything and now my soul keeps calling for you_

There was something Carlos most definitely didn't notice.

All he had done until then was partaking into all the experiments and research he could have, studying one of the most scientifically interesting places he'd ever been to.

He thought that was all that it was to him.

And yet ...

After that one day, he kept going back to _him_.

They had met, they had talked, Cecil had been certainly useful in giving him some fundamental information on the town and other important contacts he still didn't have.

It was also nice because ... well, with his team of other valuable scientists, it was easier to get lost in confronting each other's thoughts and hypothesis. With Cecil, on the other hand, he could have done that for hours, rambling about things he loved and his interlocutor probably didn't understand and _still_ feel like he was listened to thoroughly.

It was kind of endearing when Cecil kept nodding, but with a confused expression adorning his face.

He kept going back, again.

But, as we mentioned, there was something he didn't notice about himself.

More than often he called with the excuse of using him as a mean of reaching for all the citizens to get the word of a discovery out, or looking for some of their knowledge.

He liked his excitement when Cecil answered.

He also liked his name, he had thought to himself once. It was like a melody.

Nonetheless, he had no idea where that came from. Did he hear that in a musical? About another town ... way down somewhere?

Anytime he confronted his feelings, that was what happened. He involuntarily diverted them; his process of thinking had always been pretty fast, so much that his talking was unstoppable during an epiphany or breakthrough.

Eventually, his subconscious would have arisen, slapped him in the face, and yelled at him to face those feelings for once instead of solely focusing on science.

Which finally happened during the attack of tiny men at the Bowling Alley. He knew he was going to put himself in danger acting that way.

There was nothing to fear, huh?

It would have been _grave _danger too, if the Apache Tracker hadn't jumped and taken the hits in his place.

This is something that makes you wonder. About your condition, about how you could have died in a matter of seconds if the projectiles had been that tiny bit more to the left.

About your life and where you are now and how it could have drastically changed. It was like a near-death experience. It fueled his deepest impulsive thoughts to burst at once.

If he had died back then, be wouldn't have finished his research. He wouldn't have known anything more about the town, anything more about the bizarre happenings around it. About the citizens. About Cecil.

Cecil. He needed to see Cecil, even if it meant ripping him from his desk, he needed the comfort he was sure he could find in him. He needed to let him know he treasured him.

Not many words came, in the end.

They just stared into the distant nothingness, Cecil's head resting on his shoulder.

And Carlos, who had imperceptibly sighed, finally found the place to smile.

_And now I am completely in love_

_Just walk right now along with me_

_Through all the ways that we can go_

_I ask right now: don't let me go?_

Cecil still couldn't believe he had had a date with the most stupendous scientist he had ever met. He was still baffled by the fact that he had _met_ him at all.

And yet there they were, filled with pleasant food thanks to the Italian restaurant, walking around town with their arms sometimes linked, fingers sometimes intertwining, eyes going to the sky and smiling as they caught blinking lights or each other's stare.

Wonderful, a wonderful night indeed that couldn't have ended better. Or so Cecil thought.

Because when he had driven him home, Carlos had hesitated in his seat. Cecil was about to ask him what was the matter, when the scientist turned to face him and leaned forward, placing a hand on his shoulder that was too soon torn away.

Soft lips were placed on his for a brief moment that didn't even feel real.

Cecil could only stare in Carlos's direction as he bid his farewell and disappeared behind closed doors.

All too soon.

Were he to be more lucid, he would have probably begged him not to let go in such a short amount of time. He didn't even want him to go just yet ...

Cecil could have even gotten out of his car and knock on his door, wrap his arms around Carlos and never, ever, leave his side.

Instead, he turned on the engine and shook off those musings from his mind. That was when he had realized he had fallen even deeper in love all over again.

_With no goodbyes or moving on_

_Just stay with me wherever I go_

_Don't let me be alone_

Carlos knew it was disappointing.

Their relationship had been going wonderfully and having distance separate them was one of the worst things that could have happened, especially now that they were so used to living together.

He couldn't count the times Cecil had warned him to be careful in that Desert Otherworld where everything seemed to work for a reason he was still working on.

He was by Dana's side one of the first times he had been able to pay a visit as a hologram.

Such a mess had been going down in Night Vale right then, with all that Strexcorp issue to be solved.

Yet, _he _ was still the one to be reminded of mindfulness.

« Don't worry Cecil. » he had told him, the ringing of his words still clear in his mind. « A scientist is always fine. »

He firmly believed that was going to be true, in the long run. Not too long would have passed before he could have been back.

Loneliness couldn't be a thing when they still could call each other and digitally see each other, right?

_The spell or maybe curse has not been broken yet_

_I'm still holding the baggage that I had_

_Just please relieve this pain_

It was so hard. So _so_ hard, on Cecil's part. He couldn't help but still feel like Carlos was trapped in that desert, never to find or trust old oak doors again.

The more time he spent away, the more Cecil's mind wandered about other thoughts than what he should have been focusing on.

Focusing was something impossible, at the time.

Everything seemed impossible, burdening, complicated.

Things he loved doing, forgotten. Uncared for. He felt so off any suggestion wouldn't have been a good enough distraction.

He couldn't stop the tension in his body, the lingering feeling of restlessness, waiting for something that never came, disappointing himself for dreaming of things he couldn't obtain just yet.

Yes, obviously, he should have been happy Carlos was going to make the most important breakthrough in his life, but ... not having him by his side every now and then was simply painful.

It was as if some kind of malevolent deity had been watching him and laughing by themselves at his misfortune.

And yet, their love seemed to be growing forevermore, not an inch too little or too much, but the exact amount both of them needed. It was soft and enough and they _knew_, which was everything that sustained them and told them to carry on and store their strongest feelings for the moment in which they'd have been able to finally see each other again.

If only ... if only there could have been an easy way to get rid of all the doubtful and unhappy feelings that stuck to his brain.

He didn't trust himself to be able to get through the days with the same attitude anymore.

Didn't trust his mind, most of all.

Wasn't there a service to get read of his thoughts in the most brutal manner for at least a small amount of days?

_Hey, what's our future?_

_What should I keep on waiting for?_

_What am I supposed to find in this cold place, let me know?_

It was all going so smoothly.

Sometimes it happened. You think you're doing just fine and then, one day, the world comes crashing all at once.

A multitude of good days eventually results in one of the worst ones of your life and you're left to think _"Where did I go wrong? Why do I deserve this? Do I even deserve this?"_

Carlos had been basically running around all day, chasing Doug and Alisha down with their army of giants, who were continuously charging other beings who dared to wander around the limits of their land.

No moment of peace could be found, no place to rest, no listening to him!

It was insane, they still attacked even when their conditions appeared to be grave and unbearable.

The kitchen counter had already been torn to pieces when the group decided to head for the battle again, Carlos resigned to sigh heavily and not follow this time.

It had been much better when Cecil stayed there. Maybe ... he should have stayed even later.

What was even bound to happen there anymore? Could he have carried on with his research when he had to tend to an entire army that was there to protect and help him, in their own ways?

Lately in those days he had felt off. The excitement for his work was still there, of course, but the emptiness from when he had woken up still lingered.

Was taking Cecil there a good idea?

Looking outside, he saw the army retiring to his place, some completely covered in blood, some severely injured.

Doubt came in.

For a moment, he tried to ignore it.

He picked up the phone and got back to Kevin's reporting.

_The tears are falling from my eyes_

_They're freezing everything inside_

How much could someone fool their mind before the world came crashing down on them altogether, on the verge of falling apart and with nothing and none to stop the feeling of impending doom upon them?

It was a question Cecil had been wondering for quite some time by then, in all its varying forms.

And how much longer until the minimal inconvenience was going to break him apart?

He had been ... so proud of that painting. Few were the times in which he took one of his works with him at the radio station, they were mostly things that reminded him of Khoshekh.

But then, yeah. He needed to be reminded of happiness. Joy. Carlos. All the feelings that he brought him and never ceased to twist his insides in a pleasant manner.

And as he looked at the painting while sitting at his desk, the more he felt like he could enter that dimension and reach him if he were to brush the surface of the canvas.

His feet moved by themselves: it was the weather report anyway. He had time for some musing; he held his hand out and stretched to the landscape.

Yet, the colors only warmed under his touch. And nothing else happened.

Except for a loud crash against that same wall as soon as he had stepped away from it.

Wide eyes went over the destruction laid upon them, steps still slowly retreating to the desk.

Cecil gripped its surface tight to steady himself. His mind was emptied for a second as he processed the scene in front of him.

Not only was part of the room demolished, but also his painting had completely and inevitably torn to pieces too.

The one that followed was the longest moment of silence Cecil had ever experienced.

Everything was nothing for even a sole instant.

Then, nothing became all he had ever tried to do, because nothing mattered anymore now that fate wanted to delete all the traces of happiness left in his body.

So the first tear came. Then another. And another, another, _another_, so much that he fell to his knees and his blurred vision turned away because he couldn't just _bear_ the sight any longer.

He felt betrayal, but not his own.

It was as if, with the work of art, part of his heart had died. Part of his love, denied. Part of them and their relationship, completely discarded.

He had spent so much time perfectioning the details, so long daydreaming Carlos's gorgeous figure and stopping to think back at how he was dating the best person in the world.

Now it felt like that didn't happen at all.

He simply wanted to be confident in his own work again. He only needed a _goddamn_ moment to reassure himself when none else could be there for him.

A way not to disregard it all and look for a way to find his peace again.

It was like a gift. _He had been so proud ..._

An hour or so had passed before he noticed the weather report was about to end.

Cecil got back to his feet and headed towards his seat, ignoring the breeze that tickled his skin.

He sighed deeply, his chest aching with every sob that had escaped his lips in the past minutes.

The last notes of the melody echoed within the room, as he wiped the tears away from his cheeks and regained his composure. Not even reporting made him feel better anymore.

When silence filled the chaos around him, he took a few beats to stabilize his voice. His eyes opened and so did his mouth. And the words started flowing.

But he couldn't hide his torment any longer.

He told them what had happened. He told them of the debris, of the veiled pain, of the safety.

« It's fine. Yup. Everything's fine. »

Cecil? Well, he blatantly lied. To himself and all his listeners.

And maybe, for the time being, that was for the best.

Of course, before, once the recording had finished, he broke down again.

_Under this beautiful blue sky_

_They're just pretending to be kind_

« No. » Carlos's face fell. « No, no, _no. _»

His eyes searched his lab for a sign of any single object or the smallest of notes that could have been saved.

Everything had shattered to the ground covered in fur, everything had been crushed to pieces and there was nothing he could have done.

He found none.

Carlos let out the breath he had been holding as he entered the room and was met with that disastrous mess.

He forced himself to approach his workplace, his eyes filled with tears over stress, the frustration and disappointment of having lost an entire year worth of research.

All his sorrow couldn't fit in his chest.

As a hand flew to his mouth, the other trailed over the papers on the desk, staining with blood with every brush of his fingertips.

He felt sick.

He felt sick of blood, sick of fights, sick of distance and this situation he couldn't bear anymore.

What was even the point of staying when his discoveries didn't matter anymore? Just for the clear days and nights above him? When he wondered if Cecil's stars were the same as his?

Carlos blinked back the tears that didn't have the time to fall.

He found the only blank sheet of paper, picked up a pen, and started writing.

_Time passes by and I can't stop crying out loud just like a child._

Cecil could say ... it only got worse with time.

As the weeks passed, as the air surrounding him only got heavier and heavier with every single second weighing down on his whole body, like as if he could literally feel the aging and passage of time on his shoulders, _it only got worse._

He did hope and almost believe his vacation would have been of any kind of help. He resisted the voices in his head telling him it wouldn't have been of significance, like any other method he had tried.

Cecil had spent time with Janice too before that, to see if he could _feel_ again or if he really just had to give up on it all.

It worked for the few hours they were together. After that, the complete void once again.

It wasn't like the void wasn't friendly, but ... even the closest of friends could grow excessive if they stuck with you the same way the void was doing.

And the emptiness.

And the sadness.

The one that hit during night, or when you're craving hugs, the one that makes existing an aching experience because all you'd need is comfort but you can't have it the way you desire.

Those moments in which you seem to cry for no reason when you're actually trying to convince yourself you have no idea why this is happening to you, but you know exactly what's wrong deep inside.

But you don't give voice to your emotions in fear of hurting someone or concerning someone else. So you keep everything in a little corner of your mind and you let it explode at once.

Maybe with silent crying, maybe in an empty room.

Maybe nowhere at all, just in some indefinite time. Maybe it's not happening.

Or you're not realizing.

That you're falling apart in front of your very own eyes.

_The two of us have now been torn apart._

Carlos had stepped into the radio station of the Desert Otherworld when a wave of queasiness hit him yet again just like it had earlier that day, after he had turned off the call to stop the masked giants.

Was that ... blood? Bones?

He was so tired, so much the once so-called paradise had become a burden itself.

He couldn't live like that anymore.

He shouldn't have lived like that at all.

And he convinced himself of this the more his conversation with Kevin prolonged.

An entire year spent away from where he belonged, from whom he belonged to. He needed to remedy that.

Kevin just kept smiling the same way he always did, too wide and too happy to be real. It made it just that tiny bit harder to deliver the letter.

Being aware you're going to hurt someone else's feelings wasn't exactly the most ideal thought.

But there were others he had been hurting while staying there.

He pretended he didn't notice all those little different behaviors when Cecil had been there.

His hand held a bit tighter, the hugs a bit longer, lips lingering just that much more both of them needed. How he never left his side, how he insisted on those _five more minutes_ before getting up.

And it wasn't like Carlos was complaining, he knew Cecil was trying to make the most of his time, but he just knew there was so much more than that underneath his demeanor.

He only didn't have the heart to ask him.

Sometimes, he did capture Night Vale's radio-waves, a couple of figments of what Cecil reported about the news, the usual stuff, and ... his discomfort.

Everything felt wrong ever since he told him to move to the Desert Otherworld.

Then everything _went_ wrong, like a message from a futile destiny ahead warning him about the wrong possibilities, which are always too many to dwell on them instead of taking action.

Which was why, after so many signs that day, he was there to leave that letter on Kevin's desk.

«Choose not to be sad, Carlos. » Kevin had said. « In fact, choose to be happy! »

That was probably what fueled him to leave even more. He would've understood, once he had read through the letter, as painful as it could have been for him.

It was true, he was doing that for his own happiness. There was nothing left of it in there anymore, if not the ghost of joyful memories that were ripped from his hands the moment they ended.

Memories didn't make you _feel_ with the same intensity of when you _experience_ something.

A quiet melody sang in the middle of the desert's silent symphony. « Keep smiling through just like you always do. 'Till the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away. »

He was going to change everything. Make one final travel to where he was going to stay. That one thing, he was sure it _did_ feel right.

« So will you please say hello to the folks that I know? Tell them I won't be long. »

Especially the freedom no longer waiting outside of that utopic land ...

« They'll be happy to know that as you saw me go I was singin' this song. »

... of when his feet almost basically sprinted outside of the dog park.

_And now I am completely in love_

_and nothing else will matter now_

_through all the ways that we can go_

_I ask right now: don't let me go?_

The sense of familiarity and liberation dawned on Carlos as soon as he had stepped into Night Vale after so long away.

Along with it, the anticipation of seeing his lover made a buzzing feeling take over his stomach. It wasn't anxiety, it was what he learnt to name _"that one sensation that makes you fully comprehend what 'I can't wait' truly means"_.

He was late for the opera, fine with him, anything would have made do if it ultimately led to Cecil.

It was when he finally found himself right beside him that he forgot everything he knew apart from the fact that, yes, he had been completely, fully and ineffably in love with him this whole time and he wasn't going to deny it anytime soon.

In fact, he was going to take that into account and love him even more if possible, nothing else existed other than his absolute admiration.

« We'll meet again. Don't know where, don't know when. But I know we'll meet again some sunny day. » he heard a quiet voice sing.

And when their eyes met after such a long amount of time that he felt like he was going to turn Cecil's head himself, there was no space for rational thoughts.

Therefore, none of them were able to form rational arguments either.

So Carlos went for an embrace he honestly never wanted to end.

A single whispered line escaped his thoughts before he gave word to his musings.

« Please, don't let me go. »

Their hug grew even tighter.

_With no goodbyes or moving on_

_You'll always be right here with me._

_Together forever._

Words upon words flowed in the night between them, so many Cecil had been hardly able to take them all in.

Right then, though, he knew his earlier uncertainty had now a reason. Everything always had a reason when it came to Carlos. Everything started to make sense yet again.

They talked about all and nothing and the entirety of their situation, but briefly and with sweet resolutions.

It was all starting to be back to normal, and his family and friends were there to make sure it would remain that way.

There was no place to leave.

But to _stay_.

And that was a thing both Cecil and Carlos could do together, the oblivion they had been living in for the past year soon put behind their shoulders.

The certainty of waking up next to their loved one, the motivation of going through the day excitedly because you may never know what waited for you at home, the comforting of a cuddle pile on a rainy day with your favorite person and your favorite pet.

It was all that filled their minds.

And, for the time being, it was also all they needed.

**Author's Note:**

> Need a tissue? I sure as hell do, oof. Too much making my children suffer.  
Will I stop? No.  
Alright thank you all for reading! I hope you liked it and look out for more in the future~  
A big thank you also to the ones that will leave kudos, bookmarks and comments which are very much appreciated and keep me going, also if you have any constructive criticism I'm aaall ears for it, again, please tell me if I missed any warning in the tags.
> 
> To my sweet and regular readers: sorry I've been so inactive the past month, I've been working on a roceit halloween project I hadn't had the occasion to finish in time, but stay tuned for that, it'll hopefully come out soon!


End file.
